Back in high school, it was easy to see our friends. We’d catch them in the hallways, meet up after school for food, or go to school dances or movies. Adult friendships, on the other hand, are significantly harder! Adult life introduces a complex mix of responsibilities and changes that can strain even the strongest bonds. Here are 11 reasons why adults find it difficult to hold onto friendships as they get older.
1. Increasing Responsibilities
As adults, we have a million things to worry about during the day. Between work, family, personal pursuits, and weekend errands, we don’t always have time to breathe, let alone hold onto our friendships. Balancing all these responsibilities leaves little room for social engagements, often pushing friendships to the backburner. Over time, we end up losing touch with our friends when they’ve been on the backburner for so long.
2. Geographic Location
Adults often relocate for jobs, relationships, or simply for a change of scenery. This geographic mobility means that maintaining friendships becomes significantly more challenging than when we share a hometown. Distance can weaken connections with people we’ve known for years. Ultimately, many adults end up making new friends in their neighborhood or at work.
3. Changing Life Stages
Some may be single, while others might be married. Some are starting families, while others focus on careers. These discrepancies in life stages can make it tough for adult friendships to stay strong over time. When we can’t connect with our friends over priorities and interests, it’s harder to relate to each other’s experiences. We need to grow together to maintain the bond.
4. Limited Social Opportunities
According to Pew Research Center, 8% of adults claim they do not have any close friends. Kids can bond on the playground over things as simple as Batman, but for adults, it’s harder to meet someone new. Luckily, there are solutions for any adults who want to expand their inner circle! Join a book club, sign up for a co-rec softball team, or volunteer at your child’s school. You never know who you’ll meet!
5. The Effort Paradox
After a long day at work, many adults feel too burned out to put in effort toward their friends. Maintaining friendships demands more deliberate effort with age, and some adults might feel overwhelmed or reluctant to invest the necessary time and energy. Friendship, especially when we’re older, needs to be a two-way street. Both parties need to make an effort to coordinate a time to meet up, even if it’s for a quick cup of coffee.
6. Different Social Needs
Not everybody wants to go to the club and dance the night away. Your friends may prefer a quiet night in with takeout and bad romantic comedies. Ask your friends what they prefer and adjust accordingly. Changes are, you can find some activity that suits everyone’s social needs, regardless of personality differences.
7. Financial Disparities
Financial issues are very common among adults. In fact, 40% of Americans are facing some kind of financial struggle according to a recent survey. Ultimately, these economic problems can strain friendships in adulthood, especially if the other person doesn’t have the same concerns. Disparities in income affect the ability to go out to dinner, plan a vacation, or go see a movie, making it hard to spend time with friends.
8. Conflicting Schedules
Whether they work 9-to-5, have to put their kids down for a nap at a certain time, or work a second job on the weekends, adults have different schedules and responsibilities during the week. These differing schedules can make it challenging to maintain adult friendships. When it becomes a struggle to find common free time, maintaining a consistent connection can feel like an uphill battle. Some friends lose touch simply because they can never find an adequate time to meet.
9. The Comfort of Routine
Many adults fall into comfortable routines that prioritize convenience over novelty. In fact, 80% of Americans claim they are “creatures of habit,” not wanting to deviate from their usual patterns. This love of routine can lead to a reluctance to go out and meet friends, especially when it involves breaking their usual schedule or habits. Adults need to actively work to break this way of thinking if they want to maintain solid friendships.
10. Social Media Miscommunications
Social media has undeniably made it easier to keep up with friends. However, the catch is that it also leads to misunderstandings about plans and expectations. The superficial nature of online interactions might not satisfy the need for deeper, more meaningful connections. There needs to be an effort to hang out off-screen at some point.
11. Prioritizing Family
For many adults, family becomes the primary focus, often at the expense of friendships. If your friends don’t have kids, they may not feel as though they have a place within your family structure. It’s perfectly understandable for family obligations to absorb much of our time and energy. Just brainstorm ways that you can get your friends involved, whether it’s inviting them to a soccer game or encouraging them to come along to the zoo.
Friends Forever
The struggle to maintain friendships in adulthood is a common issue that stems from a mix of personal, logistical, and emotional factors. If you recognize these challenges in your own life, then you may need to find a way to overcome them or compromise, so you don’t lose your friends. Adult friendships are important since you need people you can always rely on in any situation. Make time for your friends!
Read More:
10 Ways to Outshine Your Friend’s Wedding on a Budget
Subtle Shifts: 13 Clues That Suggest Your Friendship is on the Rocks
Alyssa Serio has been a writer and editor since graduating from Aurora University in 2014. In her free time, she loves reading, playing volleyball, and watching any horror movie (even the bad ones) with her husband.