True friendships last forever, but as we get older, some remain strong, while others fall apart. It’s easy to be prepared if you look for clues that your friendship is over. Here are 13 surefire signs that could indicate you may be losing your friend in the near future.
1. Ghosting
Has your phone or social media channels been a total graveyard when it comes to this friend? If they’re ghosting you, then it’s safe to call this a clue that your friendship is over.
The same goes for ghosting in real life. You had standing plans to meet up for dinner, but ten minutes go by and then twenty and this friend still doesn’t show. Give them grace if this happens once, but maybe reconsider the health of your friendship if ghosting is ongoing behavior.
2. Flakiness with Plans
You’re all set to meet up with your friend to catch a movie, but that same day she texts you with an excuse about why she’s not going to be able to make it.
Later, you make plans again to meet up, but when the big day comes, she has another excuse. Excuse after excuse pile up, and before you know it, it’s been months since you’ve seen this friend. If this sounds like your friend, it may be a clue that your friendship is on rocky water.
3. No More Invitations
Friendship is all about give and take. Sometimes you’re the one making plans, while other times your friend is coming up with the ideas.
Beware if the invitations start to feel one-sided. When you’re the one always making the plans, and your friend never brings anything to the table, it could mean that your friendship is doomed. Have a conversation about this behavior to see if there’s any improvement.
4. Never Seeing Each Other in Person
Social media, emails, and phone calls only go so far when it comes to maintaining a friendship. Face-to-face hangouts and being there for each other in thick or thin are what truly matter.
True friends don’t hide behind the screen. You should see them as often as possible. Sometimes it’s hard to carve out that time if you have kids or a lot of responsibilities in your professional and personal life. It’s also a challenge if you live in different states. However, there should always be some time to carve out for friends.
5. Can’t Count on Them
Friends should be there in good times and bad. When your buddy doesn’t bother to be a shoulder for you to cry on when it’s needed most, it’s probably a clue that your friendship is over.
The same goes for a moment that calls for celebration. Getting a promotion, for instance, should at least earn a “congratulations” from your friend. Fantastic friends will take it a step further by offering to take you to dinner or sending you a care package that you can use at your new job.
6. Vague Commitments
Maybe you’re still getting texts or phone calls from this friend, but it almost always ends with “We should hang out soon!” There’s never actually a set time and date for this elusive hangout.
Try putting a definitive date on the calendar to spend time with this friend. You shouldn’t have to hunt them down or follow up a million times to ensure they show up. Consider the friendship kaput if they don’t show up or continue to be vague about when and where you’ll spend time together.
7. Extreme Competitiveness
Think of your friend as a frenemy if they’re constantly comparing the two of you. You may also sense underlying jealousy or inadequacy in this friend when you spend time together.
A little healthy competition can be motivating and encouraging, especially if you and this friend are running a marathon or taking part in a fitness challenge. However, it’s not okay when this friend gets in your head and makes you second guess yourself. Call it quits with this toxic friend before they hurt your self-esteem.
8. Gossips with Other Friends
It’s never good to play telephone, or put other friends in the middle of your affairs. However, if you catch wind that a so-called friend is talking bad about you behind your back, it may be a clue that your friendship is on the rocks.
Don’t go around asking people if your friend is talking smack, but be on alert if someone warns you about their gossiping ways. It’s never okay to speak poorly about your friends.
9. Missing Out on Milestones
If you didn’t get invited to one of your friend’s parties or celebrations, then all signs point to this friendship being officially over.
You want your friends to be there to celebrate with you in all of life’s significant moments. Keep in mind, your friend doesn’t have to ask you to be a bridesmaid or groomsman in their wedding, but you should get an invitation at the very least.
10. Stilted Conversations
There used to be a time when you and your bestie could talk a mile a minute about anything. You had inside jokes and a shared language that only existed between the two of you.
Now things are awkward. Once your conversations with your friend feel forced or one-sided, it could be a sign that things are falling apart. You shouldn’t have to dig for something to say to each other. The rapport should always feel natural.
11. They Broke a Friend Rule
Some things are too difficult to simply bounce back from in a friendship. Sleeping with your significant other, robbing you of your money, or getting in a fistfight with you are just a few examples of times when it’s perfectly okay to call quits on a friendship.
Of course, you shouldn’t put unrealistic rules into place like wearing pink on Wednesdays. You’re not here to try to control your friend’s behavior. However, if they betray your trust or wrong you in a significant way, then they’re not worth keeping in your life.
12. Both of You Have Changed
Maybe you bonded in high school over your mutual love for the Spice Girls. Now you’re working as a lawyer and your friend is a lion tamer at the zoo. Your interests and lifestyles are vastly different.
There doesn’t always have to be an epic blowout or meltdown for you to end a friendship. Sometimes you just naturally drift apart from a friend.
13. Bullying Behavior
Out of nowhere, your best friend turned into the wicked witch of the West. Every time they talk to you, they say something snide or cutting. They talk down to you like you’re the scum on your shoe.
Why should you take that from a friend? End the friendship if your friend is being outright mean and vicious. You don’t need that kind of toxicity in your life. Friends should make you feel happier and add to a more fulfilling life.
Farewell to Your Friendship
As you enter adulthood, there may be many friends who you simply grow apart from over the years.
Give yourself time to grieve the loss of your friendship and then refocus your energy on how you can continue being a stellar friend to those in your inner circle.
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Alyssa Serio has been a writer and editor since graduating from Aurora University in 2014. In her free time, she loves reading, playing volleyball, and watching any horror movie (even the bad ones) with her husband.