This post goes out to all the ladies.
Guys are welcome to read it too, but this stuff is ingrained in our DNA, so I’m not telling you anything new. This all goes back to the caveman days when we had to survive on as little resources as possible. Almost all men have the following five rules hard wired into our systems for the sole purpose of saving time, money, and the world around us.
Ladies, you could learn a thing or two here, so listen up!
1. Walk Around Naked
I want all women to know that men, as a gender, care deeply about saving money and the environment. So when it’s hot, we do what any reasonable person would do and just get naked. Pumping up the AC not only increases the electric bill, but also uses more dirty electricity (unless you buy renewable energy). When we are giving the boys a little breathing room, we aren’t being rude; we’re being conscientious.
2. Blow Your Nose in the Shower
A box of Kleenex is expensive. The shower is a great place for snot rockets, or even just blowing your nose into your hand and rinsing it off in the water. Just make sure the first thing you do when you get in the shower is blow your nose. Then who cares if your hand gets “dirty”? You’re going to clean your whole body in a few seconds anyway!
3. Only Wash Smelly Clothes
How can you tell if something is dirty? Most of the clothes I wash don’t have a visible speck of dirt on them. The only time they make it to the washing machine is when they smell. When you get undressed, get a whiff of your clothes. If you don’t smell anything, hang ’em up. If they have a noticeable stench, throw them on the floor where your dirty clothes gather, and do a load of laundry just before the clothes start making the entire room smell. Less laundry means less electricity, less detergent and less time wasted cleaning things that aren’t dirty.
4. Wash All Your Clothes in Cold Water
Speaking of laundry, can we all agree that washing clothes is confusing? Apparently different combinations of color, fabric, and dirtiness all require different temperatures of water if you’re a woman. Did you also know that over 90% of energy used in doing laundry comes from heating the water? Just wash all your clothes on “cold” and save on your electricity bill. Cold water gets the smell out just as well as hot water, and we’ve already determined that a lack of odor = cleanliness.
5. One Rag is Enough
I had this conversation with my aunt a few weeks ago. When a man cleans a bathroom, he uses one rag. That one rag cleans the sink, tub, floor, and toilet (in that order). There’s no need to get four rags dirty. Just clean something, soap up the rag, and move on to the next something. Speaking of rags, old tshirts work just fine for those; there’s no sense in actually purchasing rags.
Men are Budget Hawking Environment Lovers
I’m so pleased that I could clear that up for all the women out there. You probably thought men were just filthy, disgusting creatures, but in reality we are just highly effective at saving money and the environment at the same time. So to all the ladies out there that have been ragging on their men about how their cleanliness and hygiene are unacceptable, I think you owe him a big apology.
To everyone out there, feel free to add more “money and environment” saving tips in the comments below.
Kevin McKee is an entrepreneur, IT guru, and personal finance leader. In addition to his writing, Kevin is the head of IT at Buildingstars, Co-Founder of Padmission, and organizer of Laravel STL. He is also the creator of www.contributetoopensource.com. When he’s not working, Kevin enjoys podcasting about movies and spending time with his wife and four children.
This is funny – but so true! Now I’m a lady so I don’t know if I can admit to doing any of these things, but let me just add that walking around or sleeping naked significantly lessens the amount of laundry you have to do. 🙂
It sounds like your husband and I would get along just fine 🙂
Thank you but I don’t have one 🙂
Ah, so you’re the one walking around and sleeping naked… even better! 😉
Bahahahah! Dude, you could definately get some funding to get these backed up by scientific research, these are most definately true!. As someone married to a man, I have persoanlly witnessed these money saving principals in action.
I don’t think I need scientific research; all I have to do is set up a camcorder in my house, and that’s all the evidence you need (although thanks to #1, it probably wouldn’t be very pretty footage)
Ok, I got you on #4. The rest… no thanks.
Hey, 1 out of 5 is better than I expect from some ladies, namely my girlfriend. 🙂
I’m actually great with all of those except #1 – I wouldn’t suggest anybody walk around or lounge around naked on the bottom floor of my house…we have 2 dogs and a ton of shedding. You don’t want dog hair in your manly or womanly bits, trust me…
You have to be the only female I’ve met that is ok with snot rockets in the shower. I didn’t know it was even possible!
I’ve been with my husband for 10 years, married for 6 of those…if snot rockets bothered me, we wouldn’t have lasted a month, lol.
Another way men save money around the house – eating a random meal of cheap foods, straight out of the container, while standing up. Why get any plates or utensils dirty? Save on water! And skip the napkin that will just go in the trash – jeans work just fine. haha!
That’s perfect! I love eating right out of the container! And yes, jeans work just fine after you’ve licked the excess food off your fingertips! 😉
I just wanted to throw in that peeing outside saves money by saving water and also adds nitrogen back into the soil. It’s the greener way to go!
From Crystal: Yes, he meant that last part to be punny…
I used to pee outside all the time when I was a kid. The bathroom was way too far away when you’re playing capture the flag! I never knew I was putting healthy nutrients back in the soil. Thanks Crystal’s Husband!
Wow! I never thought that I have been saving water and adding nitrogen for 18 years now (if I get the chance when there’s no one looking). Thanks Crystal’s Husband. 😀
Regards,
Paul  Lopez Â
How about peeing in the shower? Save water from the toilet flush. After all, it’s going down the drain – and like #2, you’re about to wash yourself anyway!
Yeah I can’t believe I missed that one. It definitely went through my head when I was writing, but it didn’t come out on the computer screen. That’s a great way to save water.
Hilarious!
haha, this is so awesome, Kevin!
Very perceptive and true. You make a valid argument 😉
PS Snot rockets don’t bother me either
Great post! #1 made me laugh.
Walking around naked not only save you money on the AC, but it’s always good for a laugh as well. 😀
Um, I do some (okay, most) of these… But I’m a barbarian 🙂
Very funny, nice job!
You should make a manly man’s survival guide to modern living!
As the person who cleans the shower, and thus boogers off of the shower walls, please guys, don’t adhere to #2 unless you know those boogers are going straight down the drain!
Did you interview my husband for this post?
Add to #2: Pee in the shower. Save a flush, the environment, and it even has it own video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d3u9z94K2L0&feature=watch_response
Haha, these are so silly. I’ll definitely tell my husband to read these, as we are saving money at the moment.
This is great I have to do this and write about my adventures.
Thanks for a funny post.
Post is great, it is very practical and I think will be useful in the house. I particularly like the first tip. lol
This is the most practical advised I heard esp. about walking around naked. That is absolutely a very practical. It save lots for sure.Selena Rouse
The ladies just need to accept that men and women just have different ways of saving money and the environment, and it’s not just women who are conscious of this 🙂 I have done all of these things except #2, and a few more. Doing the laundry can even be done once a week, especially if you have enough clothes to go around. I am not even aware that some clothes should be washed in certain temperatures, I just dump them all in cold water (colored and whites separated of course). How about cooking all your food at one time and just heat them when you need it? Not only do you save time but also energy. Do carpool with your friends to save on gas, or better yet, walk!