My father won’t survive the weekend.
My dad has been sick for over a year, but in the last few months he has gotten really bad. He has a tumor in his throat that is so big he can’t even swallow a sip of water.
I flew to see him on Tuesday and my sister is coming in town in just a few hours. After he sees my sister, we are taking him off everything but the pain medication.
He’s in so much pain it’s just better for him to go.
I’m almost 28 years old and this is the first time someone close to me has died. I don’t really know how to handle it (I don’t think anyone does), but I’m doing my best to be strong, particularly for my step-mom and my sister.
My step-mom and my father were married for something like 20 or 25 years. She is an angel and has treated him as well as anyone could possibly treat him. She is an incredible woman and I need to be strong for her.
My sister has a very strong attachment to my father and it is going to hit her really hard when he does pass. It’s going to be terribly difficult for her to even see him this afternoon. More than anything, I’m here for her.
As far as my dad, the man in the hospital is not my dad. I do love him and I’m here for him, but I have to remind myself every day that I need to remember my dad as he was when he is healthy. The dad I want to remember is the one that was fully of energy. The guy who played golf every day and loved to bet on sports. The guy who always told me that if I ever needed anything I could just call him.
If there is a silver lining in this whole situation, it is that I have been able to see my dad and spend time with my family before he dies.
This isn’t a “financial” post, but I do want to point out a few things that made this possible. I don’t actually have an emergency fund that I could draw on to buy a plane ticket to go be with my dad.
What I did have was a lot of airline miles. Instead of spending $400-500 on a plane ticket, I was able to get one for basically free because I have frequent flyer miles. Miles aren’t just for vacations and fun. My credit card miles helped me see my dad before he dies.
My sister didn’t have the money for a ticket so my step-mom bought her one. Then my dad got worse and she had to change her ticket. They were trying to charge her $400 to change it, but she told the airlines that my father is a veteran from the Vietnam war. American Airlines did a great thing and changed her ticket for free because of my dad’s service. It’s great to see companies honoring our veterans like that.
Finally, I’m able to take time off work because my company has a bereavement leave policy. When an immediate family member dies, my company gives me 5 days off to attend the funeral and grieve.
Money shouldn’t be an issue at a time like this. This is what emergency funds are for. If you don’t have one then I suggest you get one ASAP.
If you don’t have an emergency fund (like me), miles and credit card rewards points can be a life saver. I knew my dad wasn’t healthy so I was kind of saving my points for this trip. If you have a good rewards program and can avoid blackout dates, you can travel in an emergency without spending anything out of pocket.
This was really just me dumping ideas out onto my blog because it’s making me feel better, but my takeaway is this: Prepare for a family emergency before it happens.
I was saving up those miles knowing I would need them. My sister didn’t have the luxury to save miles and/or money, and she needed help. Imagine the stress she went through thinking she might not be able to afford to see her dad before he dies.
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers, and please send them to my sister, my step-mom, and of course my dad.
Kevin McKee is an entrepreneur, IT guru, and personal finance leader. In addition to his writing, Kevin is the head of IT at Buildingstars, Co-Founder of Padmission, and organizer of Laravel STL. He is also the creator of www.contributetoopensource.com. When he’s not working, Kevin enjoys podcasting about movies and spending time with his wife and four children.
So sorry to hear that, Kevin.
I have no words except that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
So sorry for you and your family!
I am so sorry to hear that. My prayers are with you and your entire family.
This is sad news Kevin. I am very sorry for this and I will send some prayers your way. Good luck with everything.
Sorry to hear about this situation Kevin. May your dad find peace.
So sorry to hear. Thinking of you guys.
Sorry that you and your family are having to go through such difficult times. My prayers go out to you. Though ive not lost a parent ive lost many others that I loved through the years. It never gets easy but not having financial stress during those times makes grieving easier. You are 100% right in that regard. We began an emergency fund a few years ago and keep adding to it weekly so that when “those times” come around its one less worry on our shoulders.
So sorry to hear about your dad 🙁 I’m glad you got to go visit one last time though. Remember the good times and let me know if I can help out in any way.
Very sorry to hear this, Kevin. You and I have had and always will have our differences, but a family crisis transcends all that. At close to 65 myself, my parents of 85 and 91 are still going remarkably strong, but I know it’s only a matter of time. As for the financial thing, it really is irrelevant. You and your family members have to get there however you can.
My prayers are with you. I’ve been through similar moments myself and the peace of God was all that got me through. May that peace be with you during this difficult time.
I’m so sorry to hear of this sad news. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
So very sorry to hear about this devastating time for your family. I cannot imagine how you are feeling. We are the same age and I don’t think i would be able to handle a parent’s passing at this stage in my life and it sounds like you are doing the best you can. Thanks for the great advice about emergency funds.
I’m so sorry to hear of your dad’s illness. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.
Very sad to read about this difficult time for you Kevin. It sounds like you have a great family as you rally together and support each other.
Here is Australia, airlines are pretty good when they know it’s a life/death sort of thing – being flexible with dates and flights and the like. I’m glad AA was as good to you too. Lucky to have the miles, and I’m sure when things settle down you might think about also having an emergency fund too.
Kevin- so sorry to hear about your dad. I’m glad that your family could be together right now.
Sorry to hear about the finality of a long and tough battle. You are right to focus on the postive memories, and I wish the best for you and your family in this process.