Last week I was at a wedding where my girlfriend Tag was the maid of honor. She looked absolutely gorgeous with her hair and nails all done up, but most importantly her dress was freaking beautiful.
She looked so incredible, and I found myself already looking forward to seeing her in that dress again. Then it hit me.
I forgot the rules:
I will never in my life understand why a woman can look so incredibly beautiful in something and then decide to never wear it again.
Wear it Again! PLEASE!
I try to be very honest with everyone, including my girlfriend (or any other girl for that matter). If a girl asks me how she looks in a certain dress or outfit, I’m going to let her know how she looks.
If I think it’s horrible I won’t use those words (I’m not a huge jerk), but I will let her know that I’d prefer something different. If she just looks okay, I’ll let her know that too.
But when she looks absolutely stunning, I make sure to tell her as much as possible. I do this because I want her to know how beautiful she looks and I want her to wear it again.
Men Don’t Remember Clothing. It’s Always New to Us
For some reason women want a new outfit for every new occasion. I hope they get new outfits to impress their girl friends, because I can guarantee 95% of men aren’t going to realize they’ve seen a woman in a certain dress before.
It doesn’t matter what you wear, it’s going to be new to me. And even if you wear something so often that I start to realize I’ve seen it before, I’ll still love it. I only feel one of three ways about women’s clothing: I love it, I’m indifferent, or I hate it. If I loved it the first time, I’ll love it the 100th time.
And I probably won’t even realize you’ve worn it 99 times before, because my brain is too busy remembering football statistics and hardware specs on new tablets to have room for details like “what my girlfriend wore to a party two years ago”.
New Dresses are Expensive
Now that we’ve firmly established that men (at least the ones who agree with me) don’t care how often you wear the same clothing, let’s talk briefly about the practical side of the issue.
New dresses cost money. And for many women, a new dress can also mean new jewelry, new shoes, new makeup, a new handbag, and Lord knows what else you women buy.
It doesn’t make financial sense to spend hundreds of dollars on a bunch of stuff in the hopes of looking beautiful when you already have 25 things in your closet that are guaranteed to make you look beautiful!
Readers: To the women: please help me understand this “new dress for every occasion” theory. To the men: How often do you wear something before replacing it. I don’t replace my clothing until I’ve worn a hole in it.
Kevin McKee is an entrepreneur, IT guru, and personal finance leader. In addition to his writing, Kevin is the head of IT at Buildingstars, Co-Founder of Padmission, and organizer of Laravel STL. He is also the creator of www.contributetoopensource.com. When he’s not working, Kevin enjoys podcasting about movies and spending time with his wife and four children.
I don’t think I was ever as bad as what you are portraying here. However, I do like a new dress for Easter Sunday. It happened as a kid and it’s just always been something that I do.
(I did get a lesson from a nice lady at our church one time, though, about wearing all new on Easter. Her point was that Easter is a time when many folks may come to church for the first time. If we’re all decked out in our best and newest, the visitors may be uncomfortable if they don’t have things that nice or new. I have since tried to change a bit and focus on something nice, but not necessarily fancy.)
I too wear clothing until it is no longer useful or just doesn’t look good on me anymore. Hubby will wear his clothing until it gets a hole in it, like you mentioned, and then those pieces turn into his gardening/tinkering clothes.
That’s very kind of you to adjust your habits in an effort not to make others uncomfortable. And I don’t see anything wrong with a new dress on Easter every year. That sounds like a great tradition.
I think the problem is that you’re trying to understand women, the worst of all trivial pursuits.
Touche
yes, i know i need to stop reading male-voiced personal finance blogs because they only make me upset. yet, here i am. upset and commenting. congrats! good work completely generalizing an entire gender to make some outrageous claim, trying to tie it to finances, and knowingly working at emotions.
who are you targeting? isn’t your audience money-minded people? i’m guessing that money-minded women are probably less likely to have this habit.
there really is not enough content out there for a daily blog. people need to stop making shit up.
I think it’s pretty clear my intent is to connect with female readers (specifically ones who buy new dresses for new occasions) and hope they take something like this from the article:
“It doesn’t make financial sense to spend hundreds of dollars on a bunch of stuff in the hopes of looking beautiful when you already have 25 things in your closet that are guaranteed to make you look beautiful!”
It takes a special person to get angry at me for trying to tell women they don’t need to spend money on a new dress to look beautiful.
I think it is important to keep in mind that when writing about almost anything it is easiest to make a point by generalizing and exaggerating. I think in no way does Kevin believe all women do this. In fact I know he doesn’t because I don’t do this. The point was merely pointing out how you can save money.
I think it depends on the woman. I have about 4 dresses and I wear them over and over. I don’t wear dresses often, so nobody notices. I have been tempted to buy new dresses but my man has reminded me many many times that I already have 4 perfectly good dresses that I hardly ever wear in my closet.I really think that for women, it’s not the dress itself, but the act of going shopping for a particular occasion (say a wedding) and the “experience” of getting a new outfit. Also, since women wear tighter clothes than men in general, they may feel like they need something new if they gain or lose weight.For me, reducing shopping on clothing has been the hardest thing about spending less money. Books and clothing were my weakness and I now have books for the library, but for clothing there’s not really many free options. Luckily, I don’t like to shop much, plus I don’t really have anywhere fancy to go.When I went to Vegas last year, I had a really hard time NOT going out to get a new outfit. But guess what? I went with 7 other girls and they all lent me their jewelry and makeup and clothes (maybe so they wouldn’t be embarrassed to be seen with me – ha!), so it all worked out.
Good for you! I’m sure you look great in those four dresses! And if you want a new dress every now and then there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m sure you deserve it!
From my experience new dresses are more about reactions from other women. Specifically from avoiding having someone make a comment that you’ve worn something before. It’s incredibly rude and catty but it happens (my extended family is notorious for this, unfortunately). Personally I re-wear them but I wouldn’t do so within a year or so unless I knew I wouldn’t be seeing the same people at an event. It’s really silly to have to play by these “rules” but I’m pretty self-conscious.
My girlfriend Tag is wearing her bridemaid’s dress from last weekend to another wedding this weekend. There will be completely new people at this wedding. 🙂 However, I have a feeling she probably would have worn the same dress even if it were the same people. She’s frugal like that. 🙂
I’m sorry your family can be catty. I’m sure you look great in the dresses you’ve worn before.
All the clothes I wear are hand-me-downs from friends, and I’m always stunned that the clothes are in such perfect shape– I always assumed that they just take better care of their clothes than I do, but maybe they don’t wear them very often before passing them over to me. I hadn’t really thought about it, but maybe I just wear clothes repeatedly more than they do.Maybe?Ok, I’m grasping to connect with you here. I’m a huge fan of you and this blog, Kevin, but lately it seems like you have been either mentioning or downright focusing upon gender stereotypes from the 1980s (that women like to blow all their spare money on shoes while men buy electronic equipment and tools, that women only wear dresses once while men will get full use out of their clothes)… I wonder if something has happened lately that has motivated you to embrace these stereotypes?I’m not upset in the way that Leslie (above) is, but I do think that you have a large following of female readers who are the polar-opposite of the stereotypes that you project here at times…
First of all, thank you for being a “fan”. I put that in quotes because I don’t feel like I have “fans” so much as friends who read my blog.Secondly, I guess I am talking about a stereotype, but I’m actually writing about a reality. I went to a wedding last weekend, and there were plenty of people there who bought a brand new dress specifically for that wedding. There was also one who mentioned that she wouldn’t wear her dress again.The whole point of this article was to reach out to any woman who feels that way and let her know that I think she can look beautiful in a dress she’s already worn before. I do understand that not all women buy new dresses all the time, but I also realize that some do. This article is intended for those that do.
:)I can see where you’re coming from, but I think I should point out: bridesmaid dresses are totally different than regular dresses. Everyone knows that you can’t wear a bridesmaids dress again, unless it was one of those weddings where the bride says: “Just wear whatever dark blue dress you want.”It doesn’t matter how flattering it is, it’s the fabric – you can’t wear that cheap-looking chiffon fabric again anywhere. For girls, I think it’s one of the costs of being a bridesmaid – you eat the $200 or whatever and buy a dress you know you’ll never, ever put on again, and you do it because you love your friend and know how important the photos are to her.
I would have pointed that out if I had any clue about bridemaid’s dresses. All I know is my girlfriend was a maid of honor and she (and the rest of the bridesmaids) wore the same dress from Express. I know it’s something that can be worn again because she’s wearing it for another wedding this weekend. 🙂
Yes, one nice thing about modern weddings is that the style of bridesmaid’s dresses is shifting more towards “normal dresses”. Some women still pick bridesmaids dresses that are very difficult to wear to another occasion (or that are completely unflattering to your shape or style). I have been really lucky in the fact that my bridesmaids dresses so far have been really nice, and I have been able to wear them again!I used to be a ‘new dress for every occasion’ kind of lady, because that was how my mom and sister and all my friends from high school were. It was definitely the culture, where you were looked down on if you didn’t do that.Then I met my husband, and he brought up that same point of this post. And then I was like…. duh. Just have a few dresses so I can cover all occasions. Make them high quality and versatile, and you are set.Kudos to bringing up the topic! I was initially irritated when my husband mentioned it, but I got over it and realized he had a point :-)Ladies, here is another option, if you really want that change of pace: RentTheRunway.comThey have designer clothing and accessories that you can rent for a special night. Its nice because you can wear something new, beautiful, and stylish, without spending a million dollars or cluttering up your closet with things that will never be worn again.
Great post ! It’s comforting to know that no matter how much effort we put in clothing, you guys won’t notice it ;-)To answer the last question in your post : I have one dress that I wear at weddings, a couple skirts, 2 pairs of pants, and 5 shirts. And a lot of biking clothes… So I defenitely don’t wear new things for every occasion. Sorry I can’t help you understand women.
THANK YOU for writing this post. I also do not understand this. My wife bought new outfits for 2 different occasions, then when a third occasion arose, she proclaimed, “I have nothing to wear.” Um…didn’t you just buy TWO new outfits? She also recently did the same thing with our daughter…she found some dresses on a killer sale, and bought them. Inexpensive, AND in the budget. SCORE. Then, when a function came around that she needed to dress up for, it was thought that a new dress had to be purchased – with the new ones still in the closet with the tags on!!!!Please, oh, please….let the light of understanding the female gender reveal itself here in the comments!
Wow. That is… um… interesting. Hopefully someone can help us figure out why some women do that!
Just a thought… If a woman leaves a dress with the tag still on in her closet, maybe she doesn’t like that much in the first place. It’s common when you buy something just because is on sale but you’re not totally sure about the purchase.
While I do not consider myself a clotheshorse in my normal life (jeans, T-shirts, and sneakers to work every day), I do own proportionally a lot of dresses and often want to buy a new one for an occasion such as a wedding. (“A lot,” for me, is about eight wedding-appropriate dresses purchased over the last 10 years.) My husband is frustrated by this pattern and often tells me I need to wear something I already have – which I do, if possible.I’ll just state my own reasons for buying new dresses sometimes that my husband has a hard time grasping, which have nothing to do with being seen in the same outfit more than once.1) Different types of weddings call for different calibers of clothing. Daytime vs. evening, summer vs. winter, relaxed vs. black tie, indoor vs. outdoor. In my observation men can get away with wearing the same suit/tux to many of these types of events, whereas a woman would have to work pretty hard to find a flexible outfit. Personally, I don’t put a lot of research into my clothing and I can’t see what my future invitations will call for, so my wardrobe often lacks the clothing appropriate for the occasion.2) As Mrs. Money Mustache pointed out above, women’s clothing is usually less forgiving than men’s for weight fluctuations. It’s not a matter of cinching a belt differently. Personally last year I lost over 20% of my body weight and I now own dresses ranging from size 12 to size 6. Of course I want to look good and wear something that fits to a special occasion. Wearing a dress one size too big is workable, but not three. My husband lost about 25 lbs and still can wear the same clothes sizes.This topic is timely for me because we are attending a wedding next month that I think I will need a new dress for, and I am anticipating another argument with my husband. I only have one size 6 dress right now and it was purchased for an upscale indoor winter wedding, and our upcoming wedding is out-of-doors and sort of rustic in theme, so I don’t think the fabric and fit of the one dress I own that fits properly will be appropriate.
To answer your question to the readers kev,
T-shirts last me about 8 years (often longer), Pants about 2 years (I will patch both to make them last much longer and I don’t mind wearing worn out clothes). I replace socks as needed and I don’t wear underwear.
My lady friend thinks she is frugal because she only buys new clothes each spring and fall….
I don’t have a specific amount of time for T-shirts. The only thing is if I get a new one I have to donate one of my old ones. I’ve been on the same two pairs of jeans for about four years now and they are still going strong.
Twice a year might be pretty frugal; it just depends on how much she is buying on those two trips.
I have about 7 dresses. One of them is from a graduation event from my senior year of high school, so I’ve had that one for awhile. I also still have my graduation outfit from my elementary school graduation!Over the last 3 years, I’ve been adding to my dresses wardrobe. Why? I have had situations where I needed to wear dresses several days in a row and I enjoy dressing up on occasion. One rule I have is that I will not buy a new dress that is the same color as one I already have in my closet. I also never spend more than $60-100 on a single dress. I also love wearing casual dresses in the summer, but I like having some work appropriate dresses as well.One of the problems with bridesmaids dresses is that they are often too formal to wear on a lot of other occasions or they’re ugly and simply not something you would wear unless the bride made you.
All of that sounds pretty reasonable to me. Thanks for the insight.
I do rather agree with Leslie that this post is overgeneralizing to the point of being a little offensive. SOME women may do that, but to say that ALL women do something is like me saying ALL men are poor listeners who don’t remember anything their SO says because they’re too busy watching sports.
Quite frankly, if someone tells me I look nice in something, I will wear it all the time. And I don’t buy a new dress for every occasion; I’ve bought one dress in the last two years for formal nights on a cruise (I picked something that I could still wear elsewhere, thankyouverymuch) and other than that I shop from my closet. I think most of your female readers shop more like me and less like your stereotype…
This made me smile. Now that you mention it, I do notice that certain outfits that get great reviews I don’t like to wear ever again. I think it’s because we think it will never be as great as that first time we wore it, so we have to try to out-do ourselves. (Many women tend to be very, very competitive – especially against themselves!) I usually like to try new jewelry, accessories, or some other variation to make a new outfit.Dresses, though, are a different story. I do get a new dress for Easter every year and for certain special occasions, but mostly I try to get multiple wears out of each dress I wear (the more it costs, the more I have to wear it!) I also have several sisters and like to share dresses so we get to feel like we are wearing something new even though it’s not new to us.
Because they are a whole outfit in just one purchase.
Yup, we do it to impress our girl friends ;-)No, really, when a woman wears the same (formal) dress on two different (formal) occasions that are close together and with the same people, it will get noticed. And commented on. And you can’t really wear the same dress to your brother’s AND your sister’s wedding, even when they are some years apart, because you will see it if you look at the wedding pictures. AND you have to be careful not to pick something that someone else might be wearing because then you both will be compared all evening (as in, who looks better in that dress).The frugal solution would be to buy two different dresses and then switch between the two, changing only the accessories. Or buy dresses that can be worn on less formal occasions, too. Of course, as mentioned by Emily above, you need to consider much more than just “formal” vs. “casual”: the weather/season, the color/fabric, indoor/outdoor, daytime/evening… (I’m still looking for an occasion to wear again the dress I bought for my brother’s wedding and can’t find any 🙁 It’s just too formal for day-to-day use, even though I think it’s great).Oh, and there is the whole issue with the all-bridesmaids-need-to-wear-the-same dress. By definition it’s not something all bridesmaids will look (or feel) good in (or maybe that’s just to prevent the bridesmaids from looking better than the bride, who knows…). Especially when the bride picks something you would never even consider wearing if you could make the decision by yourself… the best solution would be to donate or sell that thing as soon as possible
And this is why my wife is awesome. I have to twist her arm to get her TO buy new dresses! She’s always wearing the same old outfits… Thankfully, we’re upgrading her wardrobe soon. She cleared out about half of her closet this week.
If I could find a new dress that would fit me and look good on me for a decent price, I probably would buy a lot of dresses. Since that doesn’t happen, I end up wearing the same ones over and over. And yes, I do think about the last time/day/occasion I wore it. For example, if I wore this dress (or even shirt) last Tuesday, I probably shouldn’t wear it again this Tuesday. Since my Tuesday schedule is about the same, the same people will see me in it. Better to save it for a Wednesday or Thursday.Insane? Probably. But it’s how my mind works.
Unfortunately, I know just as many men as women who spend WAY TOO MUCH money on new clothes. Guys who go to the clubs so much they don’t want to be seen wearing the same outfits multiple times. They want women to think they’re rich (even though they’re broke) and do anything they have to maintain this false persona.
Great article about these “30k Millionaires” in the Dallas Observer- http://www.dallasobserver.com/2007-11-29/news/douchebags-in-the-mist/
Oh, Kevin. You are adorable.
it’s totally different for me!
1. I don’t dress to impress my bf, even if I’m pleased if he likes my outfit.
2. I like to get to love my clothes so that I wear them often. I feel good when I wear a much loved item.